A GAFFE A MINUTE FOR THE 21ST CENTURY SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR

And Mister Good Old Boy is flunking the test

My one question in all this is how did Rick Perry get elected in the first place. How ‘bad’ was his competition, that’s he’s actually been elected three times in Texas for Governor. Perhaps he reminded his fellow good old boys that he’s a Texan good old boy himself. That he drank Moonshine and had sex with the ladies (or the horses) in a hayloft. Or perhaps its simply ‘the Andy Griffin Syndrome.’ Thats right I submit for evidence your honor that right in front of us we’ve got a false prophet. The first Presidential candidate running on his Andy Griffith abilities. You’ve never heard AGS, or people living with AGS? Good, this mean’s that I’ve discovered Perry’s real or shall I write false facade (and I’ve also come up with a new way to milk millions out of the mentally confused). AGS really stems from people’s fascination with celebrity. That fascination while usually nothing more then a simple not missing an episode of your favorite sitcom to needing to get plastic surgery to appear to look like their idols. AGS an as on now unknown affliction (discovered by yours truly, while writing this) is usually associated with pseudo-celebrity wannabee’s. We’ve all seen them. The kids who dress up like Elvis, Michael Jackson, Madonna or Marilyn. All the Goth kids or the men who dress in drag, all share one thing in common, they all need to be someone else, or at least they like to pretend. And Rick Perry is the new poster child for this affliction.

Besides the obvious Marlboro Man get up, Rick Perry’s vibes have always felt false to me. Because of this, I’ve watched his candidacy with some interest. Is he (as I’ve read) a pseudo George Bush Jr. or is he even worse. I mean his policies seem to be even worse then Juniors’, but could anyone be as dumb as Junior. And if he is, could you imagine what destruction could occur under his watch. Perhaps the end of these United States. Well the guy did tout secession of Texas from the Union, imagine what he’d propose as President.

Why did his backers think he’d be up to the job. How blind or in this case deaf can people be. I mean Bush Jr., at least had the pedigree.  But Perry’s pedigree is ‘Niggerland’. But this Sheriff Andy Taylor wannabee, this Andy Griffith impostor can’t remember his lines, as opposed to the great star. One minute he doesn’t know what the legal voting age is, the next he doesn’t know the difference between a company and a country. 

After Saturday’s presidential debate in Des Moines, Iowa, Rick Perry continued his string of memorable campaign gaffes.

“No greater example of it than this administration sending millions of dollars into the solar industry, and we lost that money,” Perry said. “I want to say it was over $500 million that went to the country Solynda.” Its as if his brain switched with his Deputy, Barney Fife (Don Knotts) and he’s stuttering for answers.  

And my fear in this is that this good old boy might be more along the lines of Larry ‘Lonesome’ Rhodes, Andy Griffin’s memorable character in A Face in the Crowd. An Arkansas hobo who becomes an overnight sensation cause of his old boy charms. But once drunk with fame and power, gets exposed as a fraud and a hateful individual who underneath all there is is evil. Suckering all the fooled into believing his earnestness, his gumption, his racist and homophobic statements.  Riling up the masses. We all loved Andy Griffith, heck I wanted Opie to be my best friend and Sheriff Andy Taylor to be my dad. But I never pictured him as President. Did you? I mean we all wished we lived in Mayberry, but we don’t. We live in the real world, and sorry Republicans, in the real world we don’t need a sheriff to run our country. We need a real President. And luckily we a;ready have one thats doing the job.

Just one man’s opinion

© Neil Feigeles, Neilizms, Monday, December 12, 2011